Looking back - 16 to 23

Things I wish I'd been able to tell myself in the last 7 years.

• Boyfriends and relationships: 
• Careful of what relationships you get into, things that seem important at the time like having a boyfriend, really aren't. You don't need someone else to make you complete, you don't need a boyfriend to make you happy.
• Maybe it's worth taking things slow and getting to know people and their families more before you fall for them. A couple of years into a relationship is not the time to find out that you have problems. 
• Know when to pull the rip cord. Don't be scared and don't make excuses. You will be happier alone. I promise. If something or someone doesn't feel right, do what's right for you inside. Things are going to hurt for a while, but it might just be the best decision you made.
• A Levels/Degrees/Education in general: 
• A levels aren't the be all and end all. Just like GCSE's weren't. Pick the things you love and the things you're good at, not the things you think will shape your life. 
• Don't worry if you make the wrong choices. You will look back and regret your A levels for the entirety of your degree and beat yourself up about them, but then one day you'll look back and realise it doesn't matter, you can always change things. 
• If you're not sure about something that you're midway through, don't worry, finish it if you can - you know you don't like giving up. But once you're finished, its okay to just mark it up as a learning curve and an experience, it doesn't have to limit your paths. 
• Don't lose sight of what you love in a bid to fit in or adhere to the path you started on. Go off the beaten track, explore the woods and fields and don't feel that track is your only option. 
• Take all chances to learn, nothing and no one should stop you doing something you want to. Whether that is a short course or learning something online.
• Friends:
• The one's who are there on the other end of the phone, they always will be, don't think they've forgotten about you just because you're so far away. 
• You had a great group of friends in your young teen years and you'd never struggled to make friends, but things aren't so easy now. Don't beat yourself up about it. Those friends who you made in 6th form and who looked after you, they're friends for life. They will be there no matter where you end up. 
• Uni is going to be tough for you with friends. You're not a typical student out drinking and clubbing, and you're going to move Uni's which makes things 100x harder. Being in relationships sort of hinders your friendship circles as you don't have to push yourself to go out. But it's okay. Acquaintances is what you'll make, it will be hard and you will hurt and feel alone. (This is partially what leads you to think you need to have a boyfriend) Don't lose hope though, those friends back home still love you and there's some great people waiting for you in the next chapter. 
• Don't change for people. Be yourself.
• Home:



First Year Room

• You're going to struggle with this one, you're going to move around a lot and live with different people. Sometimes you'll feel comfortable, sometimes you'll hate it. But just remember everything is temporary. When you leave home you're going to feel a huge mix of excitement and apprehension, but you cope with it well, don't worry. 
• Your first room in halls is lovely, its homely and warm and despite feeling alone and uncomfortable in the flat towards the end, your room is your refuge. 
• They'll be a few problems with housing for your second year, but you're brave and you make a huge decision and take a giant leap into the unknown. Your new room isn't as nice to begin with. Moving in day is tough and you beg your parents not to leave you there. But you're strong. You do okay. It's never great there, but you make it work.
• Moving out of halls and into private renting is exciting, but comes with its own problems. Your flat is great, make the most of it. You don't use it and appreciate it as much as you should. Your flat mate might turn out to be less than ideal, but you're friends, don't let washing up and rubbish push you apart. 
• Moving to London to live with your fiancé was a decision you were never 100% sure on, it felt so right but so wrong at the same time. You will constantly worry that he didn't want to live into the flat, he'll even tell you a few times that you forced him. But what choice did you have. The relationship wouldn't have lasted long distance and you couldn't have moved in with his parents. Deciding to go back to Uni in London just forced both of your hands. Just make sure you're happy. When you're moved in. Make it home, you'll be here for a while even if you don't want to be. 
• Buying a house...stop. You know that things aren't right. Don't do something you'll regret, something you can't get out of. 
• It all works out in the end, I promise.
• Health:
• You love cooking for yourself and cooking healthy and tasty options. Don't lose sight of this when you feel down. 
• Just because you'll never be a gym bunny doesn't mean you can't join the gym to use the pool. Be brave. It's not as scary as you think and you will enjoy it. Remember how much you like swimming. 
• Look after your mental health too. You know it can be knocked easily. Through Uni you have some wobbles, but just take a minute out for you. Nothing is so bad you can't cope. Do something for yourself and don't panic.
  
  

So much has changed

It's strange to think where my life was just 3 months ago, let alone 6 months or a year ago. So much has changed. Well everything has changed.

Here I am, living in a new place on my own, single for the first time in almost four years, quit my job and now considering drastic career changes. I never imagined this is where I would be at 23, but at the same time I'm not quite sure what I had imagined.

I think for the last 7 years I had just closed my eyes and let life happen, I hadn't taken a step back and gone, hey I'm still young, I don't have to know what I want to do with my life right now, I don't have to settle, I have time to change my mind. But all that is easy to say in hindsight. Here I sit now, at 23, and a part of me wishes I was 16 again, but the other part of me is so happy to be here.

So much has changed, but I think I'm okay with that.